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Discovering Your Child’s Love Language: A Guide for Parents

February is the month of hearts and flowers — love is a superpower, even for children. Love is known to help heal wounds and right some wrongs, and given in the right way, it strengthens us for the world we face. Love is our most potent power as parents when paired with intelligence and wisdom.

An essential part of our mission at Creekside Kids is helping parents and caregivers understand and connect with their little ones. A great way to enhance these connections is to identify and understand your child’s love language. Love languages can be a beautiful tool in fostering strong, loving relationships.

What Are Love Languages?

Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the idea of love languages in his book, The Five Love Languages. According to Dr. Chapman, everyone has a primary love language—a way of expressing and receiving love that resonates deeply with them. Chapman wrote another book with the late Dr. Ross Campbell, The 5 Love Languages of Children, which focuses on how children communicate love – expressing and asking for love.

The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

How to Identify Your Child’s Primary Love Language(s)

Communicating with your child is crucial to understanding their behavior, as behavior is often how children communicate (through words, actions, and behaviors) with us before they learn higher reasoning. Discovering your child’s primary love language(s) involves observing their behavior and considering the activities they most enjoy. Here are some strategies to help you identify and cultivate your child’s love language:

Observe Their Behavior

The best path to understanding your child’s love languages is to observe how they communicate their feelings through their behavior. Try to correlate their actions to the five love languages:

Words of Affirmation – this is about expressing love through words, praise, and compliments. Does your child light up when they receive praise or positive reinforcement from you? Do they often give compliments to others? Words of Affirmation are a social strength that we frequently remark as being ‘sensitive.’

Acts of Service – Acts of Service mean showing love through actions that help or serve others. Does your child frequently try to help you or others with tasks or chores? Do they express gratitude when you do things for them? 

Receiving Gifts – this is less about materialism and more about feeling loved through the giving and receiving of thoughtful gifts. Does your child cherish their possessions and enjoy receiving even the smallest gifts? Does she leave small tokens of her favorite things behind, knowing you will pick them up?

Quality Time – feeling valued when spending undivided attention with loved ones, which can be a premium for a busy parent. Does your child crave one-on-one time with you and feel most connected when engaging in activities together?

Physical Touch – Expressing and receiving love through physical affection. Does your child seek out hugs, cuddles, and other forms of physical affection?

Experiment with Different Expressions of Love

If you’re not sure which languages your child speaks in, don’t worry! Just try them all on for size. Try focusing on each of the five love languages and observe your child’s reaction to each. Over time, you will notice which love language makes them feel the most valued and loved.  It takes time for a child’s primary and secondary languages to appear.

Ask for Their Input

Depending on your child’s age, you can also have simple conversations about what makes them feel loved. Ask how they know that so-and-so loves them. Their answers can provide valuable insights.  

Exploring love languages further can enrich your understanding and application of this concept in your interactions with your child. Here are some additional resources:

By identifying and matching to your child’s love language, you are bonding with your child in a way that will support their emotional well-being and development. At Creekside Kids, we’re here to help you every step of this incredible journey. If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. until 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.