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After the Pumpkins Come Down

Helping Preschoolers Handle the Holiday In-Between

A peculiar little stretch of the calendar arrives every November. Halloween is over. The costumes have been put away, the candy supply is dwindling, and the pumpkins are beginning to look less festive and more like something that should probably be handled with gloves.

And just as the last pumpkin has its candle blown out, the stores begin inundating us with Christmas merchandise, holiday promotions, and reminders that the next big celebration is already on its way.

For adults, the transition is fairly straightforward. We pack up the Halloween decorations, start thinking about Thanksgiving, and plan the weeks ahead. For a preschooler, however, it can be confusing.

Yesterday, the neighborhood was full of pumpkins, costumes, candy, and exciting things happening after dark. Today, the decorations are gone. The candy bowl is empty. And the next big celebration seems to be somewhere in the distant future. Meanwhile, every trip to the grocery store brings another reminder that something even bigger is coming.

Children this age are still learning how time works, how to wait for something they want, and how to manage the disappointment that comes when an exciting experience ends. They may not understand that Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away, much less that Christmas is coming after that. They simply know that something wonderful has stopped happening, and something else seems to be taking forever.

This is where parents can help. Not by trying to replace Halloween with another celebration immediately, but by helping children find comfort, enjoyment, and a little predictability in the days between.

1. Don’t Rush to Replace Halloween

Think about how much anticipation goes into Halloween. Children talk about costumes, watch decorations appear around the neighborhood, visit pumpkin patches, attend parties, and hear adults discussing the big night. For weeks, the excitement builds.

Then, suddenly, it’s over. A child might ask when they’re going trick-or-treating again, insist that the Halloween decorations stay up, or become upset when a favorite pumpkin is thrown away.

Sometimes disappointment comes out as frustration. Sometimes it’s sadness. Sometimes it’s a seemingly unrelated meltdown over the wrong breakfast bowl. Remember that children don’t always have the words to explain what they’re feeling. What looks like an unreasonable reaction may be a very real disappointment.

Instead of brushing it off with “Halloween is over,” try acknowledging the feeling:

  • “You really loved Halloween, didn’t you?”
  • “It’s hard when something fun comes to an end.”
  • “You wish we could keep the decorations up a little longer.”
  • “I miss some of those fun things, too.”

Acknowledging disappointment doesn’t mean you have to change your decision or bring Halloween back. It simply lets your child know that their feelings make sense. And there’s no need to rush into the next big thing.

Children benefit from having time to process an experience, remember what they enjoyed, and gradually move on. You might look at Halloween pictures together, talk about a favorite costume, or let your child help put away the decorations.

You can even preserve one small reminder of the holiday if it makes the transition easier. Maybe a favorite pumpkin stays on the porch a little longer, or the costume gets put away in a special place for next year. The important thing is not to treat every ending as a problem to solve by immediately introducing something new.

Halloween can be over without the fun being over.

2. Give November Its Own Little Traditions

One of the most helpful things parents can offer during a transition is something children already know and can count on. That’s where routines and rituals come in. They are related, but they aren’t quite the same thing.

A routine is something we do regularly. A ritual adds a little meaning. Brushing teeth before bed is a routine. Reading a favorite story, sharing one good thing about the day, and giving a special goodnight hug can turn bedtime into a comforting ritual.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention explains that predictable routines help children feel safe because they know what to expect. The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends protecting familiar family routines during busy holiday periods, including regular sleep, meals, and opportunities to unwind.

For preschoolers, this doesn’t require a complicated schedule or a color-coded family calendar. It can be as simple as:

  • Reading a favorite book before bedtime.
  • Having breakfast together before getting ready for the day.
  • Taking a regular afternoon walk.
  • Singing the same cleanup song before putting toys away.
  • Having a special family dinner on Friday nights.

These everyday patterns provide a steady foundation when other things change. And November is a particularly good time to lean into them. After weeks of costumes, parties, special treats, and unusual schedules, returning to familiar rhythms can help children settle back into everyday life. But routines don’t have to be the only familiar things in a child’s week. Small family rituals can give November its own identity, without turning every day into another major event.

A few possibilities:

The First Cozy Friday: Pick one evening each week for pajamas, popcorn, and a family movie or story.

The Thankful-at-Dinner Tradition: Each person shares one thing they enjoyed that day. Keep it simple. A favorite toy, a good snack, or playing with a friend absolutely counts.

The Weekend Baking Project: Make muffins, cookies, or another family favorite together. Children can help stir, measure, and decorate.

The November Nature Walk: Take a regular walk to look for changing leaves, interesting rocks, birds, or signs of winter approaching.

Guess Who’s Coming to Thanksgiving?: Make a Face Match game of the relatives who will be coming in. This builds their excitement to see them come, and is an added treat for your guests when they’re recognized!

The Thanksgiving Countdown: Instead of focusing only on the big holiday, mark the days with small activities such as drawing pictures, making decorations, or choosing a family recipe.

These rituals don’t need to be elaborate. In fact, their value often comes from being simple enough to repeat.

The point isn’t to create another holiday that competes with Halloween. It’s to give children something familiar and enjoyable to look forward to.

And perhaps most importantly, it’s to show them that ordinary days can have their own special moments.

3. Be Careful What You Promise

Here’s where November gets particularly tricky. As children adjust to the end of Halloween, the holiday advertising machine starts warming up. Suddenly, every store has Christmas trees, every television commercial features a new toy, and every shopping trip seems to introduce another thing a child absolutely must have.

For adults, these are reminders that the holiday season is approaching. For young children, they can become a growing collection of expectations.

A preschooler may not understand the difference between seeing a toy advertised, wanting that toy, putting it on a wish list, and actually receiving it. The distinction between what might happen and what will happen is still developing.

And children can become very attached to an idea once they’ve imagined it.

If a parent says, “Maybe we’ll go see the holiday lights this weekend,” a child may hear, “We are definitely going to see the holiday lights this weekend.”

Then it rains. Someone gets sick. Plans change. Suddenly, the family faces a disappointment that might have been avoided with a little more careful wording. Try distinguishing between three kinds of plans:

We hope: We might visit the holiday lights this weekend.

It’s possible: We could make cookies if we have time.

We know: We will read our bedtime story tonight.

This may sound like a small distinction, but it gives children a clearer picture of what to expect.

It also helps to be thoughtful about how much holiday excitement children encounter. You don’t have to avoid every Christmas display or commercial, but you can limit the constant stream of advertisements and resist the temptation to turn every new product into something your child needs to have.

A helpful article from Fairfax County’s Family Services points out that relentless toy marketing can contribute to unrealistic gift expectations and long wish lists. Their advice includes emphasizing family traditions, making things together, and focusing on time spent with loved ones rather than simply accumulating presents.

The same principle applies to holiday activities. You don’t have to promise a trip, a party, a special toy, or a new experience every time something catches your child’s attention. You can say:

  • “That’s something we can put on your wish list.”
  • “I don’t know if we’ll be able to do that, but we can talk about it.”
  • “We’re planning to visit Grandma on Thanksgiving. We haven’t made plans for the weekend yet.”
  • “We can enjoy looking at the decorations without needing to buy everything we see.”

When something is uncertain, say so. When something is definite, make every reasonable effort to follow through. And when plans change, explain what happened in simple language.

“You were looking forward to visiting the lights. I’m disappointed, too. The weather isn’t safe for driving tonight, so we’re going to stay home. Let’s find another evening.”

Children won’t always like the answer. That’s okay. Learning that plans sometimes change is part of learning how to navigate the world.

4. When Things Don’t Go the Way They Hoped

Even with careful planning, children will experience disappointment.

The Thanksgiving craft doesn’t turn out the way they imagined. A favorite relative can’t visit. The family has to leave a gathering early. The promised dessert isn’t available.

These moments can be difficult, but they also offer opportunities to practice handling feelings. The instinct to make everything better immediately is understandable. Parents don’t enjoy watching their children feel sad.

But we don’t have to rescue children from every disappointment. Instead, we can help them work through it. Try a simple sequence:

  1. Acknowledge the feeling.

“You really wanted to make that turkey look different. You’re disappointed.”

  1. Give the feeling a little room.

You don’t have to offer a solution immediately. Sometimes children need a moment to be unhappy before they’re ready to consider what comes next.

  1. Offer a realistic choice.

“Would you like to try again with another piece of paper, or would you rather take a break?”

  1. Help them recognize what they can still enjoy.

“The craft didn’t turn out the way you wanted, but we can still make something together.”

The goal isn’t to convince children that everything is wonderful when it isn’t. It’s to help them discover that disappointment doesn’t have to end the entire experience. They can be disappointed and still have a good afternoon. They can miss Halloween and still enjoy November. They can look forward to Thanksgiving without needing every day between now and then to feel like a celebration. That’s an important lesson.

If you’d like to discuss a place for your kids at Creekside Kids, click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. to 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.

Sources and Further Reading

 

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Big Feelings in Tiny Costumes

When Halloween Is a Lot for Little People

Back in May, we talked about “Tiny Feelings, Big Lessons” and the enormous emotions that can grow out of very small preschool moments: the wrong cup, a toy that gets taken, goodbye at drop-off, or a snack that doesn’t look the way it was supposed to.

Halloween takes that same emotional landscape and adds costumes, candy, decorations, strange noises, crowds, darkness, and approximately 47 opportunities to hear the phrase, “But I wanted to do it MYSELF!”

For young children, Halloween can be wonderful. It can also be a lot. And sometimes the biggest Halloween challenge isn’t the child who is afraid of the decorations. It’s the child whose parents love Halloween so much that they’ve accidentally planned the experience for a 35-year-old version of their child.

The Parent Who Has Been Waiting All Year

Some parents really love Halloween. Not “I buy a pumpkin in October” love. We’re talking about the people who have a Halloween playlist, a favorite spooky movie, a box labeled HALLOWEEN that somehow contains three additional boxes labeled HALLOWEEN, the 12-foot skeleton from Home Depot (or more than one!), and strong opinions about whether a pumpkin should be carved before or after October 15. 

If that’s you, excellent. Halloween is supposed to be fun, and I congratulate you on still loving it so dearly, and on passing those rituals down to the next generation. But it’s vital to remember that preschoolers are still discovering what fun means to them. Your child may eventually become the kid who wants to spend all of October decorating the house, dressing as something increasingly elaborate, and arguing passionately about the proper amount of fake spiderweb…

…or they may decide that pumpkins are terrific but costumes are suspicious. They may love ghosts, but hate masks. They may adore trick-or-treating, but want to go home after six houses. They may spend three weeks insisting they are going to be a dragon and then burst into tears when the dragon costume actually goes on.

That isn’t necessarily a failed Halloween. It may simply be their Halloween. Or, their first social-emotional understanding of Halloween.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends preparing young children for Halloween, practicing with costumes, watching for fears and anxieties, and being willing to stop early if the experience becomes too much. It even notes that if a young child doesn’t want to participate, that’s okay. There is always next year, and a year can make a surprisingly big difference at this age.

So if you’re a serious Halloween person, here’s the challenge: Don’t give your child your Halloween. Allow them to discover Halloween on their own. You can provide the pumpkins, the costumes, the decorations, and the spooky playlist. Then let your child decide which parts become magical.

The Halloween Paradox

This is the child who has been asking for a costume for three weeks.

“I want to be a witch!”

“Absolutely.”

“I want the hat!”

“Great.”

“And the cape!”

“Perfect.”

“And the broom!”

“We can do that.”

Then, Halloween arrives. The hat is wrong. The cape feels weird. The broom is too long. The shoes don’t match. And suddenly your tiny witch is lying on the floor screaming that HALLOWEEN IS RUINED. It is tempting to respond with: “But you wanted this!” Unfortunately, preschool brains don’t always care about the evidence.

The excitement of imagining something and the reality of experiencing it are different. A child can desperately want to dress up and then become overwhelmed once the costume is actually itchy, hot, restrictive, unfamiliar, or simply different from what they imagined.

This is where the same emotion-coaching approach from our May article comes in. Instead of immediately trying to solve the problem, start by acknowledging the feeling:

“You really wanted to wear this costume.”

“It doesn’t feel the way you thought it would.”

“You’re disappointed.”

Once the storm settles, you can figure out whether the cape needs adjusting, the costume needs changing, or the dragon needs to become a very comfortable dragon wearing sweatpants.

That’s not giving in. It’s helping a young child understand what is happening inside them.

Too Much Fun Can Still Be Too Much

Halloween is exciting, and that’s part of the problem.

Shared excitement is still a form of bonding, and young children are not always equipped to regulate a whole evening of it. There may be a preschool party in the morning, decorations everywhere, unfamiliar costumes, loud music, candy, neighborhood activity, a disrupted bedtime, and a parent who has been announcing for six weeks that TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT. A child can be having a wonderful time and still reach their limit.

That’s why preparation matters.

Talk about what will happen. Practice wearing the costume before Halloween. Explain that the scary-looking things are pretend. Think about when your child normally gets tired. Have a plan for going home. And don’t be afraid to use the plan.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) specifically recommends preparing young children for Halloween and being ready to pack it in early if a child becomes overwhelmed. In other words: You are allowed to leave the party before the child becomes a pumpkin-shaped emotional emergency.

But It’s Just a Costume!

To an adult, the vampire at the door is obviously Dad’s friend wearing a cape. To a preschooler, the information may be considerably less obvious.

Young children are still developing their understanding of appearance, reality, and pretend. Masks and costumes can make familiar people suddenly look unfamiliar, which can be confusing and frightening. ZERO TO THREE notes that young children can have difficulty reconciling unusual appearances with their understanding of what people normally look like.

So if your child backs away from Uncle Bob because Uncle Bob has transformed into a six-foot werewolf, “It’s just Uncle Bob!” may not solve the problem right away.

Try:

“That’s Uncle Bob under the costume.”

“You don’t have to go close.”

“We can watch from here.”

You don’t have to convince your child that something isn’t scary. You can help them feel safe while they decide what they think about it. Sometimes, that means approaching slowly. Sometimes, it means waving from across the room. Sometimes, it means spending the evening nowhere near Uncle Bob’s werewolf head. All three are legitimate Halloween strategies.

The Great Costume Meltdown

Then there is the costume itself. Parents see the adorable finished product. Children experience the tag. The zipper. The hat. The tights. The itchy seam. The bathroom logistics. The impossibility of sitting down. The fact that apparently nobody considered how difficult it would be to walk like a dinosaur while wearing dinosaur feet.

The AAP recommends trying costumes ahead of time and having a backup plan. It also recommends avoiding costumes that are too long or bulky for young children.

This is one place where enthusiastic parents can save themselves some heartache. Test the costume before Halloween. Let your child run in it. Sit in it. Use the bathroom in it. Wear the hat. Take the hat off. Try the whole thing again.

And if the grand costume you’ve lovingly assembled turns out to be deeply unpopular, remember: the goal is not to create the perfect photograph for the family scrapbook. The goal is for your child to have an experience they can enjoy. Sometimes the most successful costume is the one that stays on.

When the Candy Isn’t Really the Problem

Eventually, Halloween ends. This is frequently when things get interesting.

Your child has collected candy. They have walked farther than usual. They’re tired. They’re overstimulated. Their routine is gone. And now an adult dares to announce: “Okay, we’re going home.”

This can produce a reaction of biblical proportions. But the screaming may not really be about the candy. It may be about disappointment. It may be exhaustion. It may be the sudden transition from an extremely stimulating experience back to ordinary life. And it may be all three.

This is another opportunity to use the approach we talked about in May:

“You really wanted to keep going.”

“It was fun, and now it’s time to go home.”

“You’re disappointed.”

“I’m right here.”

The feeling can be completely valid while the boundary remains completely intact. Halloween doesn’t have to continue because your child is unhappy that it is ending. They can be disappointed. You can understand the disappointment. And you can still go home.

Let Halloween Be Whatever Halloween Is

This may be the hardest part for parents who genuinely love the holiday.

You have memories. You have traditions. You have ideas. You may have spent hours imagining your child experiencing Halloween exactly the way you did.

But your child isn’t a miniature version of you.

Maybe they love the costumes. Maybe they love the candy. Maybe they love carrying a pumpkin bucket around the neighborhood but aren’t remotely interested in trick-or-treating. Maybe they want to decorate every pumpkin in sight. Maybe they want to watch It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown seventeen times. Maybe they want to wear pajamas and eat popcorn while everyone else goes out.

And maybe this year they are simply not ready.

That’s okay. The point isn’t to manufacture a perfect childhood memory on October 31. It’s to give your child enough safety, freedom, and support to begin making their own memories. That’s especially important for parents who have a serious love affair with Halloween. Your enthusiasm can open the door. It doesn’t have to decide what happens after your child walks through it.

Tiny Feelings, Bigger Costumes

Back in May, we talked about how preschoolers are practicing what it means to have feelings that are sometimes much bigger than their ability to manage them.

Halloween gives them a remarkable collection of feelings to practice with. Excitement. Fear. Anticipation. Disappointment. Pride. Overwhelm. Surprise. And sometimes the very confusing experience of saying, “I REALLY wanted this,” followed immediately by, “I HATE THIS.” That’s part of growing up.

Our job isn’t to make every feeling disappear. It’s to help children experience those feelings while knowing that someone safe is there with them.

So this Halloween, enjoy the costumes. Carve the pumpkins. Put out the decorations. Take the pictures. Play the spooky music. Just leave a little room in the celebration for your child to surprise you. The thing they love most may not be the thing you expected.

And if the evening goes sideways? You can always take off the costume, turn down the lights, get comfortable, and say: “I’ve got you. Let’s take a break.” Sometimes that is exactly what a tiny person in a very big costume needs.

If you’d like to discuss a place for your kids at Creekside Kids, click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. to 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.

Sources and Further Reading

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Winning Shouldn’t Be Everything

Helping Preschoolers Learn to Play, Lose, and Try Again

There is a moment in many family game nights when everything goes beautifully wrong. You’re playing a simple game. Maybe it’s Candy Land. Maybe it’s a race around the backyard. Maybe it’s something you invented five minutes ago involving stuffed animals, a laundry basket, and rules nobody can quite remember.

Your child is winning. Everyone is happy. Then someone else wins. Suddenly, there are tears. The board is overturned in rage. Someone announces that the game is “NOT FAIR.” And you find yourself wondering how a round of matching cards became a constitutional crisis.

Welcome to playing games with preschoolers.

For children ages 3 to 5, games aren’t just entertainment; they’re practice for some surprisingly complicated skills: taking turns, following rules, waiting, managing disappointment, recognizing someone else’s success, and figuring out what it means to win without making someone else feel small.

And for parents, playing the game may be less about who gets to keep the trophy and more about showing children what to do when the trophy goes somewhere else.

Someday, your child will lose something that matters much more than a game. They’ll miss out on something they wanted. Someone else will get the part they hoped for. A friend will succeed when they didn’t. They’ll make a mistake. They’ll come in second. Their first crush will fall for someone else. They’ll have to congratulate somebody else.

We can’t prevent those moments. But we can give children practice handling them while the stakes are still as small as a deck of cards and a handful of plastic tokens.

🧠 Why Is Losing So Hard?

Adults understand something that preschoolers are still figuring out: losing a game doesn’t mean you’re a loser. That distinction can be surprisingly difficult for a young child.

Preschoolers are making enormous strides in understanding emotions, other people’s perspectives, rules, and social relationships, but those abilities are still developing. Research on preschoolers and competitive games has found that losing can produce strong emotional reactions, including anger and frustration, while children gradually develop strategies for coping with those feelings. There’s a reward for winners (albeit immaterial), and kids learn quickly that the losers don’t get that reward.

Evidence also suggests that competition itself can be emotionally activating for some preschoolers. In one study of 3- to 5-year-olds, researchers found measurable differences in children’s emotional and physiological responses during periods of winning and losing.

So when your four-year-old collapses dramatically because you landed on the magic space first, they’re not necessarily being a poor sport; they’re having a very real feeling about a very small game. It’s valid. They’re playing with others and finding themselves smaller in the course of events, which makes the moment much more important to them than they even understand. The skill they’re missing isn’t necessarily sportsmanship. It’s emotional regulation, and they can learn it.

🏆 The Most Important Game You Play Is the One They Watch

Children learn a tremendous amount by observing the adults around them. That means your behavior during a game can teach more than a lecture about being a good sport ever will.

Imagine two versions of Mom losing a card game.

Version One:

“Oh, come ON! That’s ridiculous. You got lucky!”

Version Two:

“Aw, you got me! I really wanted that one. I’m disappointed, but you played well. Good game!”

Both adults lost. In the first case, there was a reaction, but the feelings were not considered or processed. In the second version, the adult showed the child what to do with the feeling.

Research on preschool children’s emotional development supports the importance of parents’ modeling, responding to, and talking about emotions. A 2021 meta-analysis found positive associations between these emotion-focused parenting practices and children’s emotional skills, although the effects were modest and the researchers noted limitations in the evidence.

In other words, your child doesn’t need you to pretend that losing is wonderful. They need to see that losing is survivable. You can be disappointed without becoming unpleasant. You can lose without blaming someone. You can win without rubbing it in. And you can congratulate someone who beat you.

We can compete with each other, and win, and still be kind. We can compete with each other, and lose, and accept the loss with an understanding that it teaches us something we need to know.

That’s a pretty useful lesson.

🎭 Be a Good Loser, Not a Fake One

There’s an important difference between modeling good sportsmanship and pretending you don’t care about winning. Kids between 3 and 5 are beginning to understand that not everything a parent says is, ahem, factual.

If you lose a game and cheerfully announce, “Yay! Losing is AWESOME!” your child may quite reasonably look at you as though you’ve lost your mind.

Instead, let them see the authentic version:

“I really wanted to win that one.”

Then:

“But you won, and I’m happy for you. Nice job!”

And then finish the game with a question:

“Did everyone else have fun?”

That’s the sweet spot. You acknowledge the feeling without letting it run the game, and then open the floor to honest reactions about the game, which might reveal volumes about how your child is developing and learning to process setbacks and disappointments.

The American Academy of Pediatrics similarly recommends emphasizing fun, effort, sportsmanship, and skill development rather than making winning the measure of success.

👏 Let Them See You Celebrate Someone Else

This may be one of the most useful lessons a game can provide.

When your child wins, don’t simply say, “Good job!” Try showing them what it looks like to be genuinely happy for another person:

“You won! I saw how carefully you played.”

Or:

“You figured that one out before I did. Nice work!”

Or even:

“I’m disappointed that I lost, but I’m really happy you won.”

That last sentence is particularly powerful because it demonstrates something preschoolers are still learning: Two feelings can exist at the same time.

You can feel disappointed and be happy for someone else. You can want to win and enjoy playing. You can lose and still want to play again. Those are sophisticated emotional ideas hiding inside a very simple board game.

🧸 Keep the Stakes Small

For preschoolers, games don’t need elaborate rules, tournaments, brackets, or a championship belt. In fact, the AAP recommends avoiding true competition for toddlers and young children and focusing instead on playfulness, exploration, experimentation, and fun.

That doesn’t mean you have to ban every game with a winner. It means keeping the emotional stakes proportional to the child’s developmental stage.

Try games where:

  • Turns are short.
  • Rules are simple.
  • Everyone gets multiple opportunities.
  • Games can end before patience does.
  • Winning isn’t the only interesting part.

And occasionally play cooperative games where everyone works toward the same goal.

The point isn’t to manufacture tiny champions. It’s to give children safe opportunities to practice being human.

😬 What If Your Child Falls Apart?

Oh, they probably will. At least once. Maybe more than once. When it happens, resist the temptation to immediately explain to them why they shouldn’t be upset.

Instead:

“You really wanted to win.”

Pause.

“Losing feels disappointing.”

Then, when they’re calmer:

“Do you want to try again, or are you finished playing?”

That gives the child two important messages:

  • Your feelings are allowed.
  • Your behavior still has boundaries.

If they throw the game across the room, you can calmly hold the boundary:

“It’s okay to be angry. It’s not okay to throw the game. We can take a break.”

The goal isn’t to eliminate disappointment. It’s to help your child discover that disappointment doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

🌱 And Sometimes, Let Them Lose

It can be incredibly tempting to let your child always win, especially when you’re tired, especially when the alternative is a twenty-minute emotional opera over a plastic game piece. But children need opportunities to experience ordinary disappointment in manageable doses.

That doesn’t mean parents should deliberately crush their preschooler at every opportunity. It means you don’t have to rig every game in their favor.

Let the game be a game. Sometimes they win. Sometimes you win. Sometimes nobody remembers the rules. And sometimes the four-year-old declares that the dog actually won.

All of that is useful practice. The goal is not to make losing painless. It’s to help children learn that losing is an experience they can handle.

❤️ A Lesson of Dungeons & Dragons

A few years ago, I helped my partner run a Dungeons & Dragons game for middle-schoolers at a local school. One particular child was incredibly enthusiastic about the game, but kept asking for magic items and weapons that would make his character invincible. 

It began to dawn on him that this child had never really learned how people lose gracefully and had likely internalized defeats as invalidations, as some indication that he was somehow inferior, based on the outcome of a silly fantasy game decided by rolling dice. He recognized that the child, although beginning to reach for roleplaying games, was too used to video-game reward systems to understand what a roleplaying game does for players. The child was looking for a video-game cheat code to get the reward of completion.

As the Dungeon Master, he worked hard to make that child understand that the point of the game wasn’t winning, survival, or dominance. The point was to share a cooperative story with your friends and to have an experience together. But he never quite got his lesson across.

He never had a popular character of his own pass away in the game, so the child never saw him model a performance as a dying character. And he regretted it, because letting the child see that death would not only shape the stories of all the other characters, but also make the character’s defeat not a losing event, but a teaching moment for everyone.

❤️ What We Really Want Them to Learn

The next time you sit down for a game, remember that your preschooler isn’t just learning whether three red spaces beat two blue ones. They’re watching you. Show them how to lose with grace. Show them how to win without gloating. Show them how to be genuinely happy for someone else.

And if the game ends with a dramatic declaration that nobody has ever played fairly in the entire history of games? Well… Take a breath, smile, and maybe let them know that the rematch is tomorrow.

If you’d like to discuss a place for your kids at Creekside Kids, click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. to 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.

 

📚 References & Further Reading

  • American Academy of Pediatrics. “Sports Goals and Applications: Preschoolers.” HealthyChildren.org. Guidance emphasizing play, exploration, experimentation, and fun rather than formal competition for young children.
  • American Academy of Pediatrics. “Is Your Child Ready for Sports?” HealthyChildren.org. Discusses developmentally appropriate expectations and the importance of emphasizing skill development and participation over winning.
  • Donzella, B., Gunnar, M. R., Krueger, W. K., & Alwin, J. “Cortisol and vagal tone responses to competitive challenge in preschoolers: Associations with temperament.” Developmental Psychobiology. Research examining preschool children’s emotional and physiological responses to winning and losing.
  • Parlatan, E. P., & Sigirtmaç, A. D. “Preschool children’s behaviours in competitive games: Are these games really harmful to social-emotional development?” Early Child Development and Care, 2022.
  • Li, Y., et al. “Parents’ socialization of preschool-aged children’s emotion skills: A meta-analysis using an emotion-focused parenting practices framework.” Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 2021.
  • American Academy of Pediatrics. “Competition and Cheating.” HealthyChildren.org. Discusses children’s developing understanding of competition, cheating, family modeling, and healthy approaches to games.

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When the Truth Gets… Creative

There’s a very specific parenting moment that tends to arrive quietly… and then land with a thud. You ask a simple question: “Did you spill the juice?” Your child, standing in a small lake of apple juice, looks you directly in the eye and says: “No.”

And just like that, something shifts. Not because they made a mess. You’ve seen plenty of those. But because this is new. Intentional. Almost… strategic. Your child has discovered the idea of not telling the truth.

Before panic sets in, take a breath. This moment, as surprising as it feels, is actually a sign of something important happening under the surface.

Why Kids Lie (and Why It’s Not What You Think)

Young children don’t lie the way adults do. They lack guile and are not acting maliciously. There’s no master plan, no long con, no moral crisis unfolding behind their eyes. Instead, lying often shows up as a developmental milestone. For you, a lie is manipulation; for your child, it’s the very first lesson in controlling their own fate. Your child isn’t learning to be a liar (unless that’s what’s being taught); they’re learning how honesty works for the first time.

“I Wish This Were True” Thinking

In early childhood, imagination and reality overlap like watercolor paints. Sometimes a child says something untrue because they want it to be true. “I didn’t eat the cookie.” Translation: I wish I hadn’t… or I wish I could have another without consequences.

Avoiding Trouble

This is the version parents recognize instantly.

Kids quickly learn:

  • Actions → consequences
  • Consequences → unpleasant

So they experiment with a new variable: “What if I say something different happened?” This isn’t manipulation. It’s problem-solving… just not very advanced yet, and without understanding the cost in a relationship for breaking trust.

Testing Boundaries (Social Experiment Mode)

Preschoolers are constantly asking:

  • What happens if I say this?
  • Will they believe me?
  • Does this change the outcome?

They’re not just learning rules. They’re learning how people work.

Learned Behavior

Children are extraordinary observers. They notice when adults:

  • Tell “little white lies” (“Tell them I’m not home”)
  • Change their story
  • Soften the truth to avoid discomfort

Even when we think they aren’t paying attention,  they are collecting data.

What Child Development Research Says

Around ages 3–5, children begin developing what psychologists call theory of mind—the understanding that other people have thoughts and beliefs different from their own. This is the cognitive leap that makes lying possible. If I know you don’t know what I know… I can tell you something else.

According to research summarized by:

  • Talwar & Lee (2008), Social and Cognitive Correlates of Children’s Lying Behavior
  • Kang Lee, University of Toronto (child honesty research)

Young children’s first lies are often clumsy, inconsistent, and easy to detect. Which is actually reassuring. It means they’re still learning how truth, trust, and communication work.

What Not To Do (Even Though It’s Tempting)

When a child lies, it can feel personal. Disrespectful. Even alarming. But big reactions can accidentally teach the wrong lesson.

Avoid:

  • Harsh punishment → teaches fear, not honesty
  • “I know you’re lying!” confrontations → invites doubling down
  • Labeling (“You’re a liar”) → turns behavior into identity

If the goal is honesty, the environment has to feel safe enough for truth to exist.

What Actually Helps

Lower the Stakes for Telling the Truth

Making consequences more dire feels like a means to getting a more direct result. But if telling the truth always leads to big consequences, kids will look for exits. Try: “If you tell me the truth, we’ll figure it out together.”

It is desperately important that a parent makes good on this promise. You’re not establishing rules, you’re extending trust to get trust. If that trust breaks, your child will see this and remember this lesson as a negative one. 

Focus on Repair, Not Just the Lie

Instead of stopping at “Why did you lie?,” shift to “What can we do to fix what happened?” This builds responsibility without shame, and illustrates that you are always on the same team as your child, even if there are consequences to face.

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

At some point, many of us reach for a classic: The Boy Who Cried Wolf. It feels like the perfect teaching tool. A clear message, a memorable storyline, a built-in moral about honesty and trust.

But here’s the catch: for younger children, especially in the preschool years, the story doesn’t always land the way we think it does. At this stage, children are still developing:

  • The ability to connect actions to long-term consequences
  • A clear separation between imagination and reality
  • An understanding of why honesty matters in relationships

So when they hear the story, they may focus on:

  • The drama (“There’s a wolf!”)
  • The repetition (calling for help again and again)
  • Or even just the idea of getting attention

The deeper moral- that lying erodes trust over time- can be harder to grasp.

What Starts to Click

As children approach kindergarten, something shifts. They begin to understand:

  • That other people rely on what we say
  • That trust can be built… and broken
  • That actions have consequences beyond the immediate moment

This is when the idea behind The Boy Who Cried Wolf starts to make more sense.

The Part We Don’t Always Talk About

There’s also the ending. In many versions, the consequence is stark. When the wolf actually comes, no one believes the boy… and the outcome is severe. For a young child, that can feel less like a lesson and more like:

  • Confusing
  • Frightening
  • Or disproportionately intense

It’s a very big consequence attached to a very early developmental stage.

Gentler Ways to Teach the Same Lesson

The goal isn’t to avoid teaching honesty. It’s to match the lesson to where children are. For ages 3–5, stories that focus on small, relatable consequences, repairing mistakes, and rebuilding trust tend to work better.

A few great book options:

These stories keep the stakes understandable and give children something even more important than fear: a path back.

The Big Picture

Classic fables have their place. Their messages are powerful and enduring. But for preschoolers, honesty isn’t learned through fear of worst-case outcomes. It’s learned through:

  • Safe conversations
  • Gentle guidance
  • And repeated chances to try again

Because at this age, children aren’t choosing between truth and deception in a moral sense. They’re learning how honesty works.

And that lesson, when taught with care, tends to stick far longer than any wolf ever could.

Model Radical Honesty (Even the Small Stuff)

Kids notice consistency. When adults admit mistakes, tell the truth (even when inconvenient), and avoid “performative honesty”, children absorb that honesty is normal, not risky.

Call Out Truth-Telling When You See It

Honesty is a skill that grows with reinforcement. “Thank you for telling me the truth. That was really brave.” That moment matters more than catching a lie.

A Different Way to See It

That first lie isn’t the beginning of a problem. It’s the beginning of something more nuanced:

  • Understanding other minds
  • Testing cause and effect in relationships
  • Navigating consequences
  • Learning where truth fits in all of it

In other words, your child isn’t becoming dishonest. They’re becoming socially aware. And like everything else at this age, they need practice, guidance… and a soft place to land when they get it wrong. 

If you’d like to discuss a place for your kids at Creekside Kids, click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. to 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.

References & Further Reading

  • Talwar, V., & Lee, K. (2008). Social and Cognitive Correlates of Children’s Lying Behavior
  • Kang Lee, University of Toronto – Child honesty and development research
  • American Academy of Pediatrics: Emotional and Social Development in Early Childhood
  • Zero to Three: Why Toddlers Lie
  • Harvard Center on the Developing Child: Executive Function & Self-Regulation
  • Psychology Today: Why Children Lie and What to Do About It

by

Messy, Play, Managed

There’s a moment every parent knows: your child is happily squishing something between their fingers… you’re watching with cautious optimism… and then your brain whispers: “This is going to end in a full-scale cleanup operation.”

Messy play sits in that tricky space between “this is wonderful for development” and “why is there oatmeal on the dog?”

Good news: you don’t have to choose between growth and sanity. With a little strategy, you can say yes to mess… without regretting it 12 minutes later.

🌿 Outdoor vs. Indoor: Choose Your Battlefield Wisely

Not all mess is created equal. Some belong outside, where the hose lives and your expectations are… lower.

🌞 Outdoor Mess (High Freedom, Low Stress)

Think:

  • Mud kitchens
  • Water play
  • Paint with big brushes
  • Sand, dirt, leaves, “mystery mixtures”

Why it works:

Outdoor environments naturally absorb chaos, giving you space to spread out, fewer fragile surfaces, and cleanup that is often just… time.

Pro tip:

Dress for the mess before it starts. “Play clothes” eliminate 80% of the internal debate.

🏡 Indoor Mess (Controlled Chaos)

Think:

  • Sensory bins (rice, beans, kinetic sand)
  • Playdough
  • Water in small containers
  • Sticker explosions (the silent mess)

Why it works:

Indoor messy play builds focus, fine motor skills, and creativity, but it needs boundaries to stay manageable.

Pro tip:

Containment is everything. If the mess has edges, your sanity has a chance.

🧼 Fast Cleanup Systems (Because Future You Deserves Better)

Mess isn’t the problem; endless cleanup is. Here’s how to keep it short and survivable:

1. The “Drop Zone” Strategy

Lay down a washable mat, old sheet, or even a shower curtain liner. When is the play over? Pick it up, shake it out, done.

2. The “Two-Minute Reset”

Before starting, decide: “How would I clean this in two minutes or less?” If the answer is “I wouldn’t”… tweak the setup.

3. The “Clean-As-You-Go Kid Assist”

Even young children can help:

    • “Let’s scoop the rice back in!”
    • “Can you wipe your spot?”

It won’t be perfect. That’s not the goal. The goal is to build the habit that mess has an ending.

4. The “Closed Container Trick”

For things like paint, water, or sensory materials:

    • Use bins with sides
    • Limit quantities
    • Fewer materials = less fallout

This isn’t about limiting fun. It’s about aiming it.

🧠 What the Mess Is Actually Teaching

Here’s the part that makes the extra towel worth it: messy play isn’t just play. It’s brain-building in disguise.

✋ Motor Skills

Scooping, pouring, squeezing, pinching. These movements strengthen the small muscles needed for writing, buttoning, and everyday independence.

🎨 Creativity & Problem-Solving

“What happens if I mix this?” “What can I build with this?” Messy materials don’t have one right answer, and that’s where imagination thrives.

🧩 Sensory Processing

Different textures help children learn how their bodies interact with the world:

    • Wet vs. dry
    • Sticky vs. smooth
    • Heavy vs. light

This supports regulation, focus, and comfort in new environments.

💡 Cause & Effect (Still a Favorite)

Pour it. Dump it. Mix it. Smash it.

They’re still tiny scientists, just with slightly better coordination and bigger ambitions.

🪄 A Simple Reframe

Instead of asking, “Is this going to make a mess?” try “Is this a mess I’m prepared for?”

Because when the setup works, messy play becomes something different: Not a disaster. Not a regret. More like… a short-lived, slightly sticky investment in growth.

If you’d like to discuss a place for your kids at Creekside Kids, click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our hours of operation are 6:45 a.m. to 5:45 p.m., Monday through Friday.

📚 References & Inspiration

  • American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). The Power of Play in Child Development
  • Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. Serve and Return Interaction & Brain Development
  • Zero to Three. Learning Through Play
  • Ginsburg, K. (2007). The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development
  • Montessori, M. The Absorbent Mind (sensory learning foundations)

Location & Hours

creekside building
1201 W Cheyenne Rd
Colorado Springs, CO 80906  
 
6:30 am - 5:45 pm
Monday - Friday
(719) 635-9111

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