November 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

21st Century Parenting and Letting Go of Dr. Spock

It’s a new era for kids

Life is a constant state of seeing new possibilities and learning from past mistakes. There’s a time to tear down the old standards and make room for better ideas. This is true of many things, and one of them is childcare. As I was writing this article, a favorite song came to mind:

It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life for me

— “Feeling Good”
Anthony NewleyLeslie Bricusse

Living in the 21st century has so many advantages however there are many societal norms which have created unexpected disadvantages. Most of these issues come from the difference in how we were raised to what we know today about how to raise thriving children.

We’ve had to contend with our own upbringing and learn from the mistakes our parents made. And as uncomfortable as it makes us, we must accept that our own parenting will come with mistakes of its own, for multiple reasons– clinging to past ideas, pressing into new ones, and dealing with the difference in a changing society.

This is an especially hard time emotionally, as our children are all post 9/11, in a new political era, and are still reeling from the behavioral norms and societal fissures created by the COVID pandemic. Old norms of how we treat one another have been rewritten. We are tasked with understanding the differences in now and then, and accepting that what may have worked for our own parents may cause harm in a different era as well as understanding that that some of what did work for our parents and grandparents had to do with connection and closeness.

I’ve discovered a book that meets the challenges of this time, and want to recommend it to parents who are looking to keep up with the times for their children’s better development.

Childcare is an Evolving Science

We learn more day-by-day about how children learn, grow, and thrive. In his book “21st Century Parenting: A Guide to Raising Emotionally Resilient Children,” Dr. Rick Capaldi outlines the importance of building emotional resilience in children and provides practical strategies for parents to do so.

One key aspect of 21st Century Parenting is understanding that emotions are not inherently good or bad, but rather a natural response to our experiences. As such, Capaldi emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to manage and regulate their emotions rather than suppress them.

He also highlights the role of technology in modern parenting and offers tips on setting boundaries while allowing children to benefit from its advantages. Furthermore, Capaldi stresses the significance of fostering strong relationships with both parents and peers as well as promoting a growth mindset in children.

One of his most important ideas is that “when your child is in school, you are in school, too”. If you want the best outcome for your child, you must accept that you don’t have all the answers and prepare to engage with your child in a way that brings you both understanding and enlightenment. Only by taking an active role in your child’s education will the family achieve success in their mutual education.

Overall, Capaldi offers a comprehensive approach to 21st Century Parenting, providing valuable insight and practical advice for parents looking to raise emotionally resilient children.

It’s time to let go of the past

Dr. Spock has had his time, and was extremely helpful for new parents in his era, but in a post-Spock world, it’s time to look to new, research-based thinking in how to supply our children with the tools to handle the complex new world they’ve inherited.

If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

October 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Explaining Halloween to Your Kids

Another October means pumpkin spice, autumn splendor, and, of course, another spooky Halloween! Halloween will be a forgotten legend to many kids kept at home due to COVID-19 concerns. Older siblings will have told them of going out door-to-door in a fun costume and returning with a bag full of sweet delights.

Most adults know that Halloween is a Christian holiday (All Hallow’s Eve), formed in the British Isles when Christianity was being brought to the world and the Celts were absorbed into the expanding Roman empire. It replaced Samhain, the pagan festival of the end of the harvest and the turning of the season to Winter. Pope Gregory I looked for a way to transition these Celtic holidays into Christianity. The result was All Saint’s Day or All Hallows Day, a holiday to commemorate the saints of Christianity, and the night before would be All Hallows Eve, allowing the pagan traditions to continue and to be absorbed into Christianity.

But did you know that almost every culture in history has their own form of Halloween? It dates back as far as ancient Egypt, when families would have a meal with their deceased family members as the guests of honor. It seems that Halloween is a universal theme, that stems from very human concerns.

There are two main reasons why Halloween has such a common thread. The first reason is that it takes place at the end of the harvest. This is the time of the year when plants and vegetation begin to wither and decay. It gives us a moment to say goodbye to autumn and prepare for the coming of winter. It’s also about acknowledging our fears– specifically, our fear of death. It seems that almost every culture has some way of dealing with their fear of death and the turn of the seasons.

For kids, the changing of the seasons is easy to understand, but death is a bigger concept than they may yet know. They understand that some movies are scary, and that some scary movies are too scary for their age. They understand their fears and that sometimes fear gets the better of even the adults.

Talking to children and introducing them to Halloween needn’t be difficult. Kids talk to each other, and they are extraordinarily keyed into signals. Black cats, skeletons, and Jack-o-Lanterns are early associations with Halloween. So are costumes, when they begin to learn how even adults are culturally allowed to wear costumes on Halloween!

At Creekside, we’re big proponents of costumes and make-believe, and given that Halloween is both an annual rite of passage and a bit of fun play, we love it! But we also appreciate another value of Halloween: dealing with fears. Just like those scary movies kids are so eager to watch, Halloween is like a vaccination of fear, allowing children to experience a specific rush of fear in a controlled, supervised, and safe way.

If your child is beginning to ask questions about Halloween or trick-or-treating, take the opportunity to build a dialogue with them. Ask what they know about it and gently explain the difference between real dangers and imaginary monsters. Talk about the importance of staying with your parents, not running off, and not eating candy until you get home, to prevent dangers.

It’s also helpful to talk about expectation and privilege. The demand-and-get nature of trick-or-treating can confuse a child if a household is not Halloween-friendly or is a little too scary. It’s also the first hurdle in getting through the holiday season where getting and giving are a confusing system for a child to navigate. But by answering questions, explaining how reciprocation works in communities, and talking about giving for the pleasure of giving (without measuring it in what we receive), we can teach a vital lesson for the holidays.

September 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Parents Really Matter

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Our children will, in the course of time, present all kinds of issues to us as parents rearing them. We cannot expect children to be neat, convenient, or properly behaved with little (or inconsistent) guidance from parents.

It’s no secret that parents play a vital role in the early development of their children. But what exactly does this involve? And why is it so important?

In her amazing TEDTalk seminar, science journalist Helen Pearson points out that engagement and interest from parents in those first few years of life is strongly linked to children going on to do well at school later on. Taking an interest in our children, and spending time playing with them in their formative years, is crucial for helping them to develop essential skills such as literacy and numeracy.

Ms. Pearson also highlights the importance of parents reading and talking to their children from a young age. This helps to build vocabulary and communication skills, which are vital for success in school and in life.

Parental involvement is crucial in laying the foundations for a child’s future success. So what can parents do to ensure they are as involved as possible in their children’s development? Well, there are lots of things! Here are some ideas:

Spend time playing with your child every day
Talk to your child often, and encourage them to talk to you
Read together as often as you can
Help your child to learn about and explore the world around them
Encourage your child to try new things and to persevere when they find something difficult
Be there for your child – show them love and support every day.
Put your cell phone down–far away from you and your child while you are engaged.

All of these activities help to create a strong bond between parent and child, and allow parents to provide crucial support and guidance as their children grow and learn. So if you’re looking for ways to help your child thrive, start by getting involved in their early development! If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

August 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Separation Anxiety and Your Children

Most parents know the difficulty of separation anxiety, a normal developmental phenomenon which comes and goes through all stages of childhood. We’ve experienced the crying that begins as soon as you make a motion to the door, and felt the primal sense of guilt and worry about the “abandonment” of our children that comes with leaving them, even in the best hands. Separation anxiety is common in preschool age children and it’s a struggle for both parents and children. It often comes and goes over many months even when the child is being left with the same people he/she has been cared for regularly.

The moment of parting can be a very difficult time for both the child and the parents. Many kids feel betrayed or scared when they have to part with their parents, and it’s not easy– especially for first-time parents– to leave a sobbing child behind. Parents often feel helpless and guilty during this time. This very normal experience is important to go through even though it can be extremely stressful for everyone.

Here are 9 steps that might help you and your child with separation anxiety:

The first step is acknowledging that the feeling is normal. It’s okay for your child to feel sad or scared when you leave them, and it’s important to talk about those feelings. Validating their emotions will help your child feel understood. Equally, it’s okay for you to miss them and to admit to yourself that your day would be happier with them.

The second step is to talk about the place you’re leaving them and the people you’re leaving them with. Explain to your child what they can expect when they come to a sitter’s, or Creekside Kids, or when leaving them home. Describe the activities they will do and the people they will meet, so that they can begin to concentrate on the adventure ahead of them, knowing that they’ll see you afterward. The shifting of gears in your child’s mind will help you accept the separation, too.

The third step is to make a good-bye ritual. This can be something as simple as a hug and a kiss before you leave. This will help your child feel loved and secure, and will reaffirm to you that your child isn’t losing any love for you as you part ways.

The fourth step is to be consistent. Separation anxiety can be triggered by changes in routine, so it’s important to be consistent with your drop-off and pick-up times. One of the best ways to make your child understand and believe you will return is to consistently turn up when you say you will. Because this isn’t always possible, it’s important to acknowledge when you are inconsistent. Make sure they understand that it had nothing to do with any tantrum they had or accident; let your child know that sometimes, Mommies and Daddies fail to keep their word, and all we can do is try to make it up to each other.

The fifth step is to give your child a comfort item. This can be a blanket, stuffed animal, or toy that they can keep with them during the day. It should be something they can readily associate with their family and connect them, even when you’re apart.

The sixth step is to stay positive. When you say goodbye, tell your child that you’ll see them later and that you’re looking forward to hearing about their day. As much as it may help your child, this will help give you the strength to leave.

The seventh step is to avoid sneak departures. While this helps you avoid drama, this will only increase your child’s anxiety, and feelings of betrayal. And kids catch on, and it will make separations that much harder. You should never try to outsmart your child, because sooner or later, they’re going to beat you at your own game.

The eighth step is to make sure the caregiver is prepared. Before you leave, introduce your child to the caregiver and explain what they can expect during the day. All kids, at some point, learn to say, “You’re not the boss of me.” But it can reassure a child to see and hear you making certain that their special needs are in place and that they haven’t been forgotten in the hand-off shuffle. You can also ask that the caregiver send pictures or texts when the child calms and settles in. Some children take only 2-3 minutes and others take 30 minutes or more. Each child is different.

The ninth step is to be patient. Separation anxiety is a normal part of development and it will eventually go away. These steps may not help immediately, so don’t give up if there’s pushback. Consistent work towards normalizing separations is possible if you remain consistent and don’t give in to tantrums or parental anxieties.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to other parents. Separation anxiety is a common experience, so talking to other parents can be helpful. You can share tips and find support from others who are going through the same thing. If your child’s anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily life, it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. Seek help from a counselor or child’s mental health professional if the anxiety persists.

Separation anxiety is a normal part of development and it will eventually go away. In the meantime, these 11 steps may help you and your child through this difficult time. If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

July 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Young Children and Grief

Our preschool-aged kids are precious and although we worry about their fragility, they are much stronger than we understand. We want to watch over them as much as we can, but part of how we cope with life is learning that things don’t always go our way. And this is very true about death. Death is a universal issue for all and incorporating the harsh reality of it into our lives is best done proactively and with loving reassurance.

I’ve recently been back East for the funeral of my older sister, Patty, the eldest of my siblings. There’s been a balance between ritual and chaos from moment-to-moment, and it’s been a struggle to process my feelings at times. I accept that I’ll never get a chance to say all of the things I wanted to say to her and know that I will miss her for the rest of my life. My niece and nephew who are both in their early 20s were never educated about death and have never had anyone close to them pass away, so it was even harder than it could have been to face the unfortunate death of their mother.

My own two girls (who are now in their teens) have not had a life sheltered from death. Since before they were small enough to understand the finality of death, they have been allowed to experience grief for pets. The first pet to die was a fish—eaten by the cat while we were on vacation. It was a small introduction to the finality of death and while we read books about the death of a pet and had a funeral ceremony for the fish after the loss, I realized I should have been exposing the children in a very gentle way through books before they experienced the first loss. I’ve made sure to address the issue over the years proactively with books and discussions and gently allowing them to experience the loss of a few pets. Since then, they’ve also had the very real grief of schoolmates and relatives passing on—many all too soon. We have taught them the rituals of grief and honoring the departed as part of the process of recovery. We hope we modeled it well for them and that they will be ready for that day when they lose a parent.

In trying to protect their kids, parents can sometimes do misguided things such as try to replace a lost guppy with another one, or even try to do this with a cat or bird! This practice is misguided in that it does not allow the child to process through their love for a specific pet. It’s also very unlikely to work. Others tell their children that the pet moved away to a farm somewhere, which leaves the child lost and without closure. We fear what the burden of grief will do to our children at such a tender age. But grief is part of living. A child that never experiences death in their young life will have no tools to process grief when they grow older.

For a generation of kids, they first experienced the concept of death and grief with THE LION KING. As films go, THE LION KING is traumatic, but a valuable first lesson in death: kids see a child interacting with their dead parent, unable to wake them, and the absence of that parent’s protection makes in their young life. Eventually, the child grows into their own agency, and triumphs– and that’s an excellent first look at recovery. BAMBI also loses his mother and is consoled by his father.

It’s important that kids understand what death is without confusion and without platitudes that make the adults around them feel better. Death is natural. Losing a pet will naturally devastate a young child. Losing an uncle or grandparent is hard, but it’s an important first step before the people even closer to them pass on.

It’s also important that kids understand that their grief is valid. Adults and other kids can be impatient with a grieving child. Your child needs to know that a person’s grief– whether their grief or someone else’s– is not on a timetable. A grieving child needs patience and respect to move beyond their grief.

There’s a couple of books we’d like to recommend for parents who are encountering their child’s grief for the first time. For the child, Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corrine Demas gives a relatable account of the grief cycle, as a child experiences it. For parents, we recommend “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay”, by Megan Devine. for what it can teach both the grieving and those around the grieving about how our culture doesn’t process grief properly.

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21st Century Parenting and Letting Go of Dr. Spock

It’s a new era for kids

Childcare is an Evolving Science

It’s time to let go of the past

Explaining Halloween to Your Kids

Parents Really Matter

Separation Anxiety and Your Children

Young Children and Grief

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It’s a new era for kids

Childcare is an Evolving Science

It’s time to let go of the past

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