April 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Mindful Parenting: Mindful Mama Mentor

The Four Basic Styles of Parenting

We imprint so much onto our developing young children. Your style of parenting can determine much about your child’s future. The four basic styles of parenting are Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved/Neglectful. While each child in a family may need different styles of parenting and each child needs parenting styles to flex as they grow, most parents have a tough time changing their style and being consistent with matching their child’s changing needs.

One of the key points of the musical “The Sound of Music” is the differing parenting styles of Captain von Trapp, and the governess he hires to look after his children in his absence, Maria Rainer. In the film version of the musical, the Captain is an Authoritarian who uses a whistle to bring the children to order, forces the children to line up in military formation, and offers little affection to them. Maria upsets his style when she accepts their hazing gracefully to avoid seeing them disciplined and they begin to trust her as an Authoritative presence. They see her as both protector and warder. She takes it further by listening to them and supporting their individual learning needs. Because she leads as much as sets boundaries, they understand their footing with her as they develop into the next phase of their lives.

When the Captain returns, he finds his carefully-laid and disciplined upbringing disrupted, and has to employ the whistle and a sharp tone to bring the kids in line with his ideas. While the order gives him comfort, it harms the children who have lost their mother and need a gentle loving presence. The father is both Authoritarian and emotionally Neglectful. Out of view of the children, he fires the governess. Only through the miracle of a shared song with his children does he see the connection he has lost in holding back his affection and demanding perfect behavior from imperfect, growing humans.

What is Mindful Parenting?

It’s not surprising that you may not have heard the term “Mindful Parenting” before this blog. Mindful Parenting is a product of MindfulMamaMentor.com, a parenting website and resource that I have found very helpful in both my professional work and in my personal life.

The expression Mindful Parenting is about self-awareness as a parent. Parents sometimes let their reactions get the better of them, without taking into consideration the long-term effects what they say and do can have on children. Mindful Parenting is being firm without being aggressive. It’s setting boundaries without a threat of violence or denial of love/affection if a child messes up. But more than that, it’s approaching your child as a competent, capable person who can respond to your lead without fear of punishment.

For instance: it’s faster to shout to get the attention of a misbehaving child. A burst of a warning or a smack on the rear can quickly disrupt a tantrum, but it’s also a violent moment from someone they trust and depend upon. It disrupts more than their behavior, it also disrupts the trust they have in the love of their parents. Truly, yelling and even a benign pop to the rear is harmful.

Why is Mindful Parenting important?

Uncompassionate discipline can give a child a bad message about size and stature being the deciding factor of who leads — i.e., might makes right. Mindful Parenting sets important balances between a child and their parent. It assures that they are loved, even when they get it wrong; they learn a lesson that they can try again and, with support and patience, get it right, rather than feel desperate to get it right on the first try.

Children raised this way are taught leadership instead of tyranny, and they follow the lead to become leaders themselves, instead of shrinking under their fears. It escapes the kind of transactional love. They learn that they are loved endlessly and encouraged to do their best, instead of demanding a satisfactory or great performance to receive love from their parents.

Children who are raised under Mindful Parenting are more likely to become critical thinkers, because they are allowed to work things out instead of being told to follow the path their parents guide them. They become active partners in their education instead of passive receivers of information and facts.

Creekside Kids believes in a Mindful Parenting approach

Creekside uses Mindful Parenting in our teaching approach. Our co-learners foster self-esteem in children and work to be allies in rounded development that works at the pace of the child — not at the whistle of the parent or authority figure.

If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our regular hours of operation are 6:30 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday; however, we have a shortened schedule during COVID of 7:00 am to 5:30 pm.

March 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Boredom Versus Overstimulation and Its Effects on Children & Families

It’s considered part of our job as parents to expose our kids to all sorts of activities, sports, and new experiences in modern America.

As parents ourselves and as co-learners alongside your amazing children, we know first-hand that parenting isn’t an easy role. We’re responsible for the development of a separate personality– and that can be daunting in our modern world in which there is 24-hour per day access to media and even many activities. In America, we have plenty of opportunities and to deny a child the chance to see a live performance, go to a museum, learn an instrument, play sports, swim lessons, karate lessons, etc. from an early age feels as though we might be risking their future success.

We’ve been anxious parents trying to fill every moment of our children’s day with stimulating activities, and we’ve seen others do it too on this same mad dash to nowhere. It’s time to slow the pace for our little ones through their early childhood years and trust that their brains are meant to develop slowly and without 24/7 stimulation. So how do we navigate these waters?

We’re in a new age of media, one based on endless choice and instant gratification.

Our parents waited years for films with the same cast as our favorite matinee feature to be made, and there was no guarantee they would ever see those films in the end. Even beloved comic books came out once a month. Football games were played and televised on the weekends and only during the season. TV shows played once and if you missed it you missed it. There were a few video games but they were primitive. The newspaper came once per day and the news was on once or twice at night. Most TV channels stopped playing content at 12:00 a.m. until early the next morning. Children were taken to live shows on occasion and may or may not have had music or dance lessons. There were team sports but not for preschoolers. Everything was slower paced and later in a child’s life.

Our generation saw the demise of the slow life. We’re an OnDemand world that no longer waits for gratification. And we’re raising children in this same environment of media saturation.

How are our kids learning and growing in this new age?

It can be great to have a continuous feed of entertainment for kids when we’re busy with tasks. But overstimulation can block creativity in our kids. For the most part, modern entertainment pacifies but doesn’t challenge our kids to grow and explore.

Our kids are stressed out earlier than in previous generations and so are parents. We are seeing more and more parents of young children (through at least the early years of elementary school) who are getting off the merry-go-round of endless activities/sports/lessons for their children and thriving as families and happy people who live quieter lives. There is an adjustment period while everyone unlearns dependence on media and learns to be comfortable with the quiet times. The children tend to adapt more quickly and fill the media/activity void with their imaginations and creativity. Adults tend to take longer but if they lean in and participate in the imaginative play of their children close bonds are created.

The best part of escaping the rat race of parenting is that the neural pathways in the brain which seek stimulation from media and instant reinforcers grow weaker and the neural connections in the brain which seek stimulation from interactions and relationships grow stronger as we disassociate from constant stimulation and activities. Children become more innovative and connected with their families.

The answer may be to let them be bored.

It seems kind of counterintuitive to simply not plan for the busy hands of young pre-school children to be engaged. But humans are an ancient species whose brains have historically developed without constant stimulation and activities. It’s what we are designed to do. We are designed for a slower life filled with rhythm, routine, and time for storytelling and the arts along with nights spent around a fire being close and connected. In our modern world, allowing children to be at loose ends and bored is actually a gift.

To quote Cori Berg, “Young children need large blocks of uninterrupted time with many opportunities to make their own choices. Preschool shouldn’t look like high school switching from class to class.” Without taking choice away, we can guide them to socially-responsible choices and teach them both trust and creative use of our time.

Overscheduled kids can stall the development of a young mind. We need to allow time for kids to be still. Boredom inspires creativity and builds imagination. It’s about regulating your own pace when you have time to reflect on it, and it’s a deep lesson that our children can learn by experience. Work on setting boundaries for your kids about what they can do in their unscheduled hours, instead of setting up activities just to keep them occupied.

February 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Focus on Simplicity Parenting

For our February blog, we’d like to bring up a concept that we think many parents will appreciate and take something good from: simplicity parenting.

Simplicity Parenting is a book by Kim John Payne, M. ED., that focuses on organizing your child’s life into four ‘realms’ and simplifying those realms for your child. The realms are Environment, Rhythm, Scheduling, and Unplugging. By making these realms simple and easy, your children have a better chance of living without stress enabling them to feel capable and connected.

These four realms are simplified like this:

Environment: when you declutter the environment, there’s less to distract and disorient the mind. It’s the difference between the jungle and the clearing.

Rhythm: consistency in your rituals and daily life make your child’s world calmer and prepares them for what to do when the rhythm is out of synch.

Scheduling: life can sometimes be turbulent and chaotic, so add to the calm by planning ‘moments to Be’ into everything you have to do.

Unplugging: disconnecting from the outside world, adult concerns, consumerism, and other complications will directly benefit your child’s social and emotional wellbeing.

This kind of simplification takes many forms. Eliminating errands and interruptions that make your days erratic are key. Make daily, weekly, and monthly rituals that support your child’s sense of space, values, and time management. Additionally, teach your children to assist you from a young age in clearing out clutter and planning for the day or next day. Children–even very young children, need to feel valued and as contributing family members versus honored guests or “pets.” Pay attention to factors that are trying to pull you away from the goals that support simplicity parenting in your home—don’t let someone else’s boredom, needs, or judgement impact the stability and simplicity you are creating at home.

SimplicityParenting.com finds that kids with simplified lives benefit in the following ways:

They’re calmer and happier
They do better socially and emotionally
They’re more focused at school
They find it easier to comply with family rules
They tend to be less picky eaters

And also report that parents who utilize Simplicity Parenting report that they:

Have a clearer picture of what they value as parents
Are more united with each other in their parenting
Have more time and energy for connection, relaxation, and fun

January 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Social-Emotional well being for kids and parents in 2022

Would you define your child as a socially and emotionally healthy child? It’s important that our children learn to understand their feelings, and how to express them, and how to interact with the feelings of others. The National Association for the Education of Young Children defines socially and emotionally healthy children as demonstrating, and continuing to develop, several important behaviors and skills.

Socially and Emotionally Healthy kids:

Typically display a positive mood
Listen to and follow directions without reminding
Form close relationships with their caregivers and with other kids
Show an interest in the wellbeing of others
Can recognize, identify, and to some degree manage their own emotions
Can empathize with the emotions displayed by others
Can express their wishes and preferences clearly
Gain access to ongoing play and group activities
Are able to play, negotiate, and compromise with others

If you can only recognize some of the nine factors listed here in your child, you may need to talk with teachers and/or with a counselor. It’s also a good idea to ask teachers for feedback regarding how your child behaves when you aren’t around. It’s not unusual for children to behave one way at home and another at school.

Prevent Child Abuse America recommends six courses of action to promote social and emotional learning in your children during the summer, when they are out of preschool. They are:

Ask your child, “How are you feeling?” A simple check-in shows your children that their emotions matter and that you are concerned for their emotional wellbeing, as well as teach children to identify what their emotions are and how to appropriately express them.
Set up a Chore Chart for each week of summer break. Age-appropriate chores are a great way to build self-esteem and make a child feel valued, and that he/she is a contributing member of the household–not a guest or a pampered pet. You can use stickers to acknowledge when work is done especially well. Setting kids up with some responsibility can teach children self-reliance and the importance of following through. And, yes—even 3/4/5 year olds can do chores. They usually love doing them too!
Read a book with a Social Emotional Learning (SEL) component to your child. You can use stories that you read to help them understand SEL concepts in action. (Here’s a list from Differentiated Learning of 25 great books for SEL.) Make sure you discuss the motivations and actions of the characters. Some very useful SEL books include: Jubari Jumps, by Gaia Cornwall; Be Kind, by Pat Zietlow Miller & Jen Hill; and We’re All Wonders, by R. J. Palacio.
Teach your child cooperative learning games. Cooperative games where everyone seeks to win together help everyone in the game build their SEL, and particularly helps cultivate understanding and patience. (If you can find games that your child can in turn teach their siblings or friends to play, that’s even better– it prepares them to spread these ideas by modeling them!) For some recommended SEL games, see this list from Proud to be Primary.
Start a summer journal for your child. Small children can’t write a tome of their feelings, obviously, so as a bedtime event, write down the date on the page and then have them tell you some of the feelings they encountered today, and how they dealt with those feelings.
Set a summer goal for your child. Agree on an age-appropriate summer goal with your child and help them track their progress (perhaps as part of their summer journal). For example, your child may set a goal of being able to recognize the 26 letters in the alphabet and know most of their sounds by the end of the summer, or be able to consistently count to twenty correctly.

December 1, 2021 by Christopher Hooker

December and Helping Your Child Through Stress and Meltdowns

The Holiday Season is here! For many families, that includes letters to Santa, nighttime drives down streets with houses trimmed in Christmas lights, and anticipation of gifts and sweet traditions to come. It’s time for joy, family, and happiness.

But even though we mean for December to be full of joy, it’s also a tough time for many people. The expectations put on parents to be happy and make others happy can be brutal, especially for someone going through grief, anxiety, or depression. People fight over the silliest things, especially when we are (yet again) amid record-high COVID cases, job insecurity, and inflation.

We’ve all seen the recent rise of the ‘Karen’: the irrational woman who turns up on camera demanding the world behave to their specifications. (Or the ‘Ken,’ the male version, frequently given to resorting to violence when he doesn’t get his way.) With politics so polarized since the advent of social media, it’s effortless for a simple misunderstanding to turn into an unfortunate, ugly altercation. Some people walk out of their homes like ticking time-bombs, waiting for one perceived grievance to set them off. The holiday season only makes this more fraught with negative energy, which our children can feel and sometimes witness. Plus, none of us want to raise our children to become demanding, stressed-out people.

For that reason, we need to focus not just on the trappings of the season but also on the spirit of community and kindness that Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Rohatsu, and Solstice engender. We need to extend love and understanding to people who are upset and angry toward others — and we need to show this to our children.

Children can sense when people are stressed and upset; far better than we realize. Being a verbal role model for your children is the healthiest way to teach them how to handle big emotions. Talking to children about stress and labeling the actual emotions you or another person feels is critical to teach them how to accept, manage, and communicate their emotions; without tantrums. Helping your child label their feelings when they are mad is one of the best things you can do. One way to do this is to say, “Your face looks like this (show them),” “Your body is doing this (show them),” and “Your voice is doing this (show them).” “Are you feeling frustrated?” “Is your frustration turning into anger, or are you getting sad?” “How can I help you?”

If a meltdown occurs, find a moment to hold your child while they are still upset and rock them until they can breathe a bit, and then talk about the things mentioned above, going through the labeling process with them. Then, once calm is restored, talk about the feelings again and how they feel now. Reassure them that it is always okay to have big emotions and that it is essential to practice managing them. Be sure to say you are there to help them.

Conversely, if your child sees you have an argument or is angry/frustrated with someone, talk about it afterward. It’s okay to tell your child something like, “My chest felt tight, and I was squeezing my hands into fists. My voice got loud, and I said things I didn’t really mean. At first, I was frustrated with that person, and then I started getting angry because they wouldn’t listen to me. It didn’t feel good, and I felt a little out of control. I’m still learning to manage my big feelings, too, sometimes. I’m feeling better now, and I’m sorry that I did that in front of you. Would you like to talk about how you felt about it?”

It’s a BIG ask. But in the spirit of the holidays, try to reset people, young and old, who are disoriented (having a meltdown/very angry) with love and patience. By coaching and labeling those emotions and their physical effects, you will raise self-aware children.

For more resources, check out these valuable resources:

https://www.simplicityparenting.com/

https://www.mindfulmamamentor.com/blog/Resources/podcast/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b26fQNtr23Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9voQuCQDfg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG16UY-u4KQ

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Mindful Parenting: Mindful Mama Mentor

The Four Basic Styles of Parenting

What is Mindful Parenting?

Why is Mindful Parenting important?

Creekside Kids believes in a Mindful Parenting approach

Boredom Versus Overstimulation and Its Effects on Children & Families

It’s considered part of our job as parents to expose our kids to all sorts of activities, sports, and new experiences in modern America.

We’re in a new age of media, one based on endless choice and instant gratification.

How are our kids learning and growing in this new age?

The answer may be to let them be bored.

Focus on Simplicity Parenting

December and Helping Your Child Through Stress and Meltdowns

Location & Hours

Affiliates

Testimonials

The Four Basic Styles of Parenting

What is Mindful Parenting?

Why is Mindful Parenting important?

Creekside Kids believes in a Mindful Parenting approach

It’s considered part of our job as parents to expose our kids to all sorts of activities, sports, and new experiences in modern America.

We’re in a new age of media, one based on endless choice and instant gratification.

How are our kids learning and growing in this new age?

The answer may be to let them be bored.

Location & Hours

Follow Us

Affiliates

Testimonials