December 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Holiday Frustrations and Tantrums

The Dark Side of the Holidays

The nights are starting earlier, Thanksgiving is done, and Christmas lights are sparkling all over Colorado Springs. The Holiday season is upon us once again, and with COVID-19 mostly behind us, we’re able to have those big family gatherings and togetherness that we missed in 2020 and 2021.

As wonderful as the holidays can be, and as precious as our children can be during these bright days, there’s a dark side to it all. With an easy wrong turn, children can go from adorable cherubs to angry, frustrated versions of themselves–all in the blink of an eye!

Santa: Rat Fink

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when your awake

He knows when you’ve been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake

– Santa Claus is Coming to Town,

Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie

The holiday tantrums seem to be related to the idea of gifts and Santa Claus. Kids struggle with understanding the ethos of gift-giving unless they have been walked carefully through an understanding. It’s important to know that Santa is a terrible problem for most children. He’s an omnipresent, omniscient character who can decide how their holidays will resolve.

Parents have long used Santa Claus as a means of demanding better behavior from children. Does it really work the way it should, though? Do kids have the capacity to alter their behavior in that way? Can they retain those rules so strongly that they adopt better behavior?

The answer is: not very well. Kids are still forming their characters and have many lessons to learn before they can effectively deal with an offered ‘wish’ being threatened by their own natural behavior. The threat of displeasing Santa and not receiving a nice gift has many negative effects on kids. The worst being that it makes love and appreciation transactional if it works at all.

The threat of Santa punishing them with coal (or just not bringing the gift they most want) makes children aware of a consequence for naughtiness at too early an age, and teaches them that they will be rewarded if they comply and punished if they fail to be ‘good’. A pre-school age child who enters a conflict with another child isn’t thinking of Santa. They’re thinking of how to navigate, survive, and thrive in a social situation with limited supervision from adults. But once a rule is broken, then, they will think of Santa– and contemplate the loss of a reward they were hoping for.

If the threat against their wish is revealed to be just a threat, it can be harmful to their character, leading to entitlement and a lack of respect for the behavior that is expected from them. Empty threats just don’t work.

We can’t blame Santa alone

There are other factors leading to highly emotional, volatile tantrums during the holiday season:

Sugar Highs

Most Holiday celebrations include lots of sugary treats, and the peaks of a sugar high eventually lead to the valley of a sugar crash. Be mindful of what your child is eating and keep sugar treats to designated times, for everyone.

Disrupted Schedules and Routines

The more typical the routines over the holidays, the better with the exception of slowing down and dropping a few typical activities in favor of baking and cooking together, reading stories and snuggling and playing games. Late nights and too many parties/activities can really throw a preschooler out of whack.

Social Tensions

Kids are receptive to family strife, from parents with underlying anger to relatives who resent being in close quarters with the extended family. The emotional pressure kids can build on these kinds of factors could lead to a terrible tantrum.

So what can we do?

The most important thing we can do for our kids is to let go of the expectation of perfect behavior. Walk your child through some of the likely pressure points they will feel and help them navigate their darker feelings. Be mindful, and watch their sugar intake, and the influence the extended family has on their wellbeing. Be patient, and don’t hold Jolly St. Nick over their heads, for goodness sake.

If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

November 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

21st Century Parenting and Letting Go of Dr. Spock

It’s a new era for kids

Life is a constant state of seeing new possibilities and learning from past mistakes. There’s a time to tear down the old standards and make room for better ideas. This is true of many things, and one of them is childcare. As I was writing this article, a favorite song came to mind:

It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life for me

— “Feeling Good”
Anthony NewleyLeslie Bricusse

Living in the 21st century has so many advantages however there are many societal norms which have created unexpected disadvantages. Most of these issues come from the difference in how we were raised to what we know today about how to raise thriving children.

We’ve had to contend with our own upbringing and learn from the mistakes our parents made. And as uncomfortable as it makes us, we must accept that our own parenting will come with mistakes of its own, for multiple reasons– clinging to past ideas, pressing into new ones, and dealing with the difference in a changing society.

This is an especially hard time emotionally, as our children are all post 9/11, in a new political era, and are still reeling from the behavioral norms and societal fissures created by the COVID pandemic. Old norms of how we treat one another have been rewritten. We are tasked with understanding the differences in now and then, and accepting that what may have worked for our own parents may cause harm in a different era as well as understanding that that some of what did work for our parents and grandparents had to do with connection and closeness.

I’ve discovered a book that meets the challenges of this time, and want to recommend it to parents who are looking to keep up with the times for their children’s better development.

Childcare is an Evolving Science

We learn more day-by-day about how children learn, grow, and thrive. In his book “21st Century Parenting: A Guide to Raising Emotionally Resilient Children,” Dr. Rick Capaldi outlines the importance of building emotional resilience in children and provides practical strategies for parents to do so.

One key aspect of 21st Century Parenting is understanding that emotions are not inherently good or bad, but rather a natural response to our experiences. As such, Capaldi emphasizes the importance of teaching children how to manage and regulate their emotions rather than suppress them.

He also highlights the role of technology in modern parenting and offers tips on setting boundaries while allowing children to benefit from its advantages. Furthermore, Capaldi stresses the significance of fostering strong relationships with both parents and peers as well as promoting a growth mindset in children.

One of his most important ideas is that “when your child is in school, you are in school, too”. If you want the best outcome for your child, you must accept that you don’t have all the answers and prepare to engage with your child in a way that brings you both understanding and enlightenment. Only by taking an active role in your child’s education will the family achieve success in their mutual education.

Overall, Capaldi offers a comprehensive approach to 21st Century Parenting, providing valuable insight and practical advice for parents looking to raise emotionally resilient children.

It’s time to let go of the past

Dr. Spock has had his time, and was extremely helpful for new parents in his era, but in a post-Spock world, it’s time to look to new, research-based thinking in how to supply our children with the tools to handle the complex new world they’ve inherited.

September 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Parents Really Matter

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

Our children will, in the course of time, present all kinds of issues to us as parents rearing them. We cannot expect children to be neat, convenient, or properly behaved with little (or inconsistent) guidance from parents.

It’s no secret that parents play a vital role in the early development of their children. But what exactly does this involve? And why is it so important?

In her amazing TEDTalk seminar, science journalist Helen Pearson points out that engagement and interest from parents in those first few years of life is strongly linked to children going on to do well at school later on. Taking an interest in our children, and spending time playing with them in their formative years, is crucial for helping them to develop essential skills such as literacy and numeracy.

Ms. Pearson also highlights the importance of parents reading and talking to their children from a young age. This helps to build vocabulary and communication skills, which are vital for success in school and in life.

Parental involvement is crucial in laying the foundations for a child’s future success. So what can parents do to ensure they are as involved as possible in their children’s development? Well, there are lots of things! Here are some ideas:

Spend time playing with your child every day
Talk to your child often, and encourage them to talk to you
Read together as often as you can
Help your child to learn about and explore the world around them
Encourage your child to try new things and to persevere when they find something difficult
Be there for your child – show them love and support every day.
Put your cell phone down–far away from you and your child while you are engaged.

All of these activities help to create a strong bond between parent and child, and allow parents to provide crucial support and guidance as their children grow and learn. So if you’re looking for ways to help your child thrive, start by getting involved in their early development! If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

August 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Separation Anxiety and Your Children

Most parents know the difficulty of separation anxiety, a normal developmental phenomenon which comes and goes through all stages of childhood. We’ve experienced the crying that begins as soon as you make a motion to the door, and felt the primal sense of guilt and worry about the “abandonment” of our children that comes with leaving them, even in the best hands. Separation anxiety is common in preschool age children and it’s a struggle for both parents and children. It often comes and goes over many months even when the child is being left with the same people he/she has been cared for regularly.

The moment of parting can be a very difficult time for both the child and the parents. Many kids feel betrayed or scared when they have to part with their parents, and it’s not easy– especially for first-time parents– to leave a sobbing child behind. Parents often feel helpless and guilty during this time. This very normal experience is important to go through even though it can be extremely stressful for everyone.

Here are 9 steps that might help you and your child with separation anxiety:

The first step is acknowledging that the feeling is normal. It’s okay for your child to feel sad or scared when you leave them, and it’s important to talk about those feelings. Validating their emotions will help your child feel understood. Equally, it’s okay for you to miss them and to admit to yourself that your day would be happier with them.

The second step is to talk about the place you’re leaving them and the people you’re leaving them with. Explain to your child what they can expect when they come to a sitter’s, or Creekside Kids, or when leaving them home. Describe the activities they will do and the people they will meet, so that they can begin to concentrate on the adventure ahead of them, knowing that they’ll see you afterward. The shifting of gears in your child’s mind will help you accept the separation, too.

The third step is to make a good-bye ritual. This can be something as simple as a hug and a kiss before you leave. This will help your child feel loved and secure, and will reaffirm to you that your child isn’t losing any love for you as you part ways.

The fourth step is to be consistent. Separation anxiety can be triggered by changes in routine, so it’s important to be consistent with your drop-off and pick-up times. One of the best ways to make your child understand and believe you will return is to consistently turn up when you say you will. Because this isn’t always possible, it’s important to acknowledge when you are inconsistent. Make sure they understand that it had nothing to do with any tantrum they had or accident; let your child know that sometimes, Mommies and Daddies fail to keep their word, and all we can do is try to make it up to each other.

The fifth step is to give your child a comfort item. This can be a blanket, stuffed animal, or toy that they can keep with them during the day. It should be something they can readily associate with their family and connect them, even when you’re apart.

The sixth step is to stay positive. When you say goodbye, tell your child that you’ll see them later and that you’re looking forward to hearing about their day. As much as it may help your child, this will help give you the strength to leave.

The seventh step is to avoid sneak departures. While this helps you avoid drama, this will only increase your child’s anxiety, and feelings of betrayal. And kids catch on, and it will make separations that much harder. You should never try to outsmart your child, because sooner or later, they’re going to beat you at your own game.

The eighth step is to make sure the caregiver is prepared. Before you leave, introduce your child to the caregiver and explain what they can expect during the day. All kids, at some point, learn to say, “You’re not the boss of me.” But it can reassure a child to see and hear you making certain that their special needs are in place and that they haven’t been forgotten in the hand-off shuffle. You can also ask that the caregiver send pictures or texts when the child calms and settles in. Some children take only 2-3 minutes and others take 30 minutes or more. Each child is different.

The ninth step is to be patient. Separation anxiety is a normal part of development and it will eventually go away. These steps may not help immediately, so don’t give up if there’s pushback. Consistent work towards normalizing separations is possible if you remain consistent and don’t give in to tantrums or parental anxieties.

Sometimes, it helps to talk to other parents. Separation anxiety is a common experience, so talking to other parents can be helpful. You can share tips and find support from others who are going through the same thing. If your child’s anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily life, it may be time to seek help from a mental health professional. Seek help from a counselor or child’s mental health professional if the anxiety persists.

Separation anxiety is a normal part of development and it will eventually go away. In the meantime, these 11 steps may help you and your child through this difficult time. If you’d like to discuss a place at Creekside Kids for your kids, we’d like to invite you to click this embedded link to schedule an appointment. Let’s get to know each other! Like us on Facebook to follow our stories for news and updates. We’re located at 1201 W Cheyenne Road, Colorado Springs, CO 80906, and we can be reached at (719) 635-9111. Our new hours of operation are 6:45 am until 5:45 pm, Monday through Friday.

July 1, 2022 by Christopher Hooker

Young Children and Grief

Our preschool-aged kids are precious and although we worry about their fragility, they are much stronger than we understand. We want to watch over them as much as we can, but part of how we cope with life is learning that things don’t always go our way. And this is very true about death. Death is a universal issue for all and incorporating the harsh reality of it into our lives is best done proactively and with loving reassurance.

I’ve recently been back East for the funeral of my older sister, Patty, the eldest of my siblings. There’s been a balance between ritual and chaos from moment-to-moment, and it’s been a struggle to process my feelings at times. I accept that I’ll never get a chance to say all of the things I wanted to say to her and know that I will miss her for the rest of my life. My niece and nephew who are both in their early 20s were never educated about death and have never had anyone close to them pass away, so it was even harder than it could have been to face the unfortunate death of their mother.

My own two girls (who are now in their teens) have not had a life sheltered from death. Since before they were small enough to understand the finality of death, they have been allowed to experience grief for pets. The first pet to die was a fish—eaten by the cat while we were on vacation. It was a small introduction to the finality of death and while we read books about the death of a pet and had a funeral ceremony for the fish after the loss, I realized I should have been exposing the children in a very gentle way through books before they experienced the first loss. I’ve made sure to address the issue over the years proactively with books and discussions and gently allowing them to experience the loss of a few pets. Since then, they’ve also had the very real grief of schoolmates and relatives passing on—many all too soon. We have taught them the rituals of grief and honoring the departed as part of the process of recovery. We hope we modeled it well for them and that they will be ready for that day when they lose a parent.

In trying to protect their kids, parents can sometimes do misguided things such as try to replace a lost guppy with another one, or even try to do this with a cat or bird! This practice is misguided in that it does not allow the child to process through their love for a specific pet. It’s also very unlikely to work. Others tell their children that the pet moved away to a farm somewhere, which leaves the child lost and without closure. We fear what the burden of grief will do to our children at such a tender age. But grief is part of living. A child that never experiences death in their young life will have no tools to process grief when they grow older.

For a generation of kids, they first experienced the concept of death and grief with THE LION KING. As films go, THE LION KING is traumatic, but a valuable first lesson in death: kids see a child interacting with their dead parent, unable to wake them, and the absence of that parent’s protection makes in their young life. Eventually, the child grows into their own agency, and triumphs– and that’s an excellent first look at recovery. BAMBI also loses his mother and is consoled by his father.

It’s important that kids understand what death is without confusion and without platitudes that make the adults around them feel better. Death is natural. Losing a pet will naturally devastate a young child. Losing an uncle or grandparent is hard, but it’s an important first step before the people even closer to them pass on.

It’s also important that kids understand that their grief is valid. Adults and other kids can be impatient with a grieving child. Your child needs to know that a person’s grief– whether their grief or someone else’s– is not on a timetable. A grieving child needs patience and respect to move beyond their grief.

There’s a couple of books we’d like to recommend for parents who are encountering their child’s grief for the first time. For the child, Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corrine Demas gives a relatable account of the grief cycle, as a child experiences it. For parents, we recommend “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay”, by Megan Devine. for what it can teach both the grieving and those around the grieving about how our culture doesn’t process grief properly.

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Holiday Frustrations and Tantrums

The Dark Side of the Holidays

Santa: Rat Fink

We can’t blame Santa alone

Sugar Highs

Social Tensions

So what can we do?

21st Century Parenting and Letting Go of Dr. Spock

It’s a new era for kids

Childcare is an Evolving Science

It’s time to let go of the past

Parents Really Matter

Separation Anxiety and Your Children

Young Children and Grief

Location & Hours

Affiliates

Testimonials

The Dark Side of the Holidays

Santa: Rat Fink

We can’t blame Santa alone

Sugar Highs

Social Tensions

So what can we do?

It’s a new era for kids

Childcare is an Evolving Science

It’s time to let go of the past

Location & Hours

Follow Us

Affiliates

Testimonials